Divorce Mediation

Know Your Options

Fri, 17 Apr 2020 03:19:17 GMT

You basically have a few choices when you decide you want to separate from your spouse. You can (1) hire a lawyer and attempt to negotiate a separation agreement (which often leads to a daylong mediation after four mouths of exchanging documents and failed negotiation), (2) hire a lawyer and litigate (which often leads to a daylong mediation around the ninth month), (3) agree to use a mediator (without using lawyers) and (4) you each hire a lawyer that is trained in collaborative law. The last two choices are your best options. The cost for mediation and collaboration is usually no more than $5,000 ($2,500 each party) and is typically accomplished within 90 days.

Separation through Mediation

Why do people choose to mediate their separation? Here are a few examples of what a mediator most often hears on why the participants have chosen to mediate their separation: You want privacy. You want to keep the costs and the fees reasonable. You don’t want it to drag out for several months or up to a year. You don’t want to be hostile to each other. You still have respect for each other. You want to stay away from divorce lawyers. It is too important for us to do it ourselves. We just need to make it legal. We both want what is fair. We basically agree but we need some help. It’s our second marriage.

Whatever the reason, it does not mean that these mediations are simple or that the participants are agreeable on everything. The mediator is there to help identify what is important to each party, facilitate communication and brainstorm solutions to achieve a resolution. Mediation is a process that when used effectively, can make an unfortunate situation much more pleasant and respectful than the traditional approach of hiring a lawyer who often takes a positional bargaining approach.

Use of a lawyer during Mediation

I have been conducting divorce mediations in Wake County since 2013. Most mediations I conduct, the parties are not represented by attorneys. In my opinion, they often get in the way and slow down the process. However, the participants always have the choice to consult with an attorney or even hire any attorney at any time during the mediation process. I may or may not know when one of the participants has engaged an attorney. If I start a mediation with just the participants, rarely will it converge to a mediation with attorneys. What is most likely to happen is the attorney is retained at the end of the mediation process to review the mediation summary. An attorney will draft the formal agreement between the parties. Mediating without a lawyer is not as risky as some believe. The mediations I conduct typically are 1-3 hours in duration and expand over a two to three-month period with 5-7 sessions. There is plenty of opportunity for checks and balances.

Cost-Benefit of Mediation

Based on my experience, over 90% of cases that mediate result in a settlement. The average cost for a successful mediation through private mediation, without lawyers, is less than $3,000 per party. A Wake County mediator’s average rate is $(984) 205-3727 per hour. The average time for a successful private mediation is less than four months start to finish. You typically would meet with the mediator once per week or every other week for 1-3 hours per session.

Mediating with lawyers significantly increases the cost. If the lawyer’s hourly rate is $300 per hour and the mediator is $250 per hour, each party is paying $(984) 205-3727 per hour of mediation. Typically, these mediations will last anywhere from 7-10 hours. That one-day cost is $3,000-4,000 per party.

The pitfalls of the daylong Mediation

Often the process of mediation is given a bad reputation because of the stories people hear about the daylong mediation. The daylong mediation is generally when the parties are represented by attorneys and/or are engaged in the court system which requires mandatory mediation. This daylong mediation is very different experience than private mediation. First, mandatory court mediation is not likely to occur for many months after litigation has begun. You are typically mediating within 6-9 months into litigation. In private mediation, you are typically done in less than 90 days. Second, the day long mediation it is almost always conducted in one full day which often starts at 9:30am and is typically between an 8 and 10-hour day. There is an expectation that you will sign a legally binding contract at that 8th, 9th and even 10th hour. Many people complain their where mentally exhausted at the time they executed. This type of mediation is very stressful and very expensive to the participants. This one day could cost each party around $4,000. It is no wonder why we hear complaints about the daylong mediation.

Cost-Benefit of Collaboration

Based on my personal experience and conversations with other attorneys trained in the collaborative process, over 90% of participants who agree to use collaboration as a dispute resolution process result in a settlement. The average cost for a successful collaboration is usually less than $5,000 per party. The average time for a successful collaboration is less than four months start to finish.

What is Collaboration?

Each party retains a lawyer. The parties and attorneys sign a Collaborative Agreement. A significant provision in that agreement is that the attorneys will NOT continue to represent you if your case does settle through the collaborative process. Thus, if you need to litigate, you will have to hire another attorney. This arrangement puts both parties and their attorneys squarely focused on resolution. The four-way meeting is big part of the collaborative process. The attorneys and parties will meet in a conference room for open discussions. These sessions usually last 1-3 hours. The number of sessions varies but on average 6-7 sessions over 3-4 months is typical.

Mediation Vs. Arbitration

Fri, 17 Apr 2020 02:57:58 GMT

The “Quiet Revolution” has transformed the American conflict resolution in the twentieth century between the courts and government agencies for a more effective dispute resolution procedure.

Mediation and arbitration play a role in resolving disputes outside of the court. These methods of conflict resolution are tailored to the trend of judicial relief and assist parties into resolving disputes according to the party’s needs. They take in account personal or business priorities and interests which no court judgement is able of addressing. So why is it that during the recent years the parties tend to lean more towards mediation, instead of arbitration or litigation? It is commonly known that binding arbitration is often perceived as a preferred method of going to court, given that it is always more formal, time consuming and expensive in comparison to mediation; such that it hands over the final decision-making authority to a third party.

In arbitration, a judge and jury decides the merits of the case based on the law and facts that may lead to one sided results; and has become more adversarial in the sense that the parties are obliged to proceed with both their lawyers and a third-party decision maker that will impose the judgement. For these reasons business lawyers often persuade parties to only enter into arbitration after either negotiation or mediation has failed. The whole idea of mediation is to use a neutral third party to facilitate a deal amongst the parties. Mediation is a favored ADR technique as it focuses more on the parties towards settlement through compromise and negotiation. It has the advantage of reorienting parties towards each other, not by imposing rules on them. It assists the parties with achieving a new shared perception of their relationship with an innovative view that will redirect their attitudes towards each other.

When parties mediate, their relationships can be restored; however, not all relationships will survive when the conflict escalates into a legal dispute and not all should. In this scenario, the attitudes of the mediators are also significant for the parties and council, as they can start a “pre-dispute facilitation” method of communication by understanding and collaborating the hardened and oppositional attitudes that arise from active disputes. This however only works if the parties to the mediation process are not firmly entrenched in their position, and have a strong stance based on principle, or hold the idea that litigation is the only way they will succeed to reach their goals. To sum, mediation is one of the preferred methods of dispute resolution but only if the parties are ready to compromise in the interest of transactional cost avoidance and quantification of a palatable loss or gain.

Co-Parenting and Summer Fun

Mon, 30 Mar 2020 01:42:07 GMT

"You can Always Find the Time to Make it Work."

After going through the painful process of a separation or divorce, the summer is a great time to redirect your attention to spending some healthy time with your kids and rethinking how you communicate with your ex-spouse. It’s beneficial to your children to see your interactions as parents as positive one. Embrace the new dynamic, your still parents and love your children. Planning a special time together and having a positive interaction in front of your children will go a long way in their healthy development. Summertime is a great opportunity to make some time and plan for fun activities and/or adventures!

Helpful Tips:

Aim for effective communication.

Be sure to have open mind and clear communication with your ex-spouse. Be respectful, it is even ok to laugh in each other’s company. If you both try to stay positive, you are both giving your kids the best environment to grow and be happy. Remember to keep your conversations about the kids and leave your personal emotions at home.

Plan something fun!

Ask the kids what they are interested in and find activities that involve those interests, maybe include the other parent in those activities.

Be flexible.

The summer is a great time to be flexible with your visitation schedules. There is more time available with your kids and there are more activities planned over the summer. Certain activities may not fall on a date that is your week with the kids or vice versa, so be understanding and willing to share or trade time.

What to Expect with a Divorce

Mon, 30 Mar 2020 01:27:05 GMT

Although divorce is common throughout the United States, the divorce process varies depending on the couple’s situation. Short-term marriages without children or property typically result in a less complex and time-consuming divorce than long-term marriages with significant property entanglements, marital debt, and minor children. Additionally, divorcing couples who work together to negotiate the terms of the divorce (child custody, child support, property division, debt allocation, and spousal support) will experience a less expensive and less stressful divorce than couples who can’t agree or refuse to work together.

Step One: Filing the Divorce Petition

Whether both spouses agree to the divorce or not, before any couple can begin the divorce process, one spouse must file a legal petition asking the court to terminate the marriage. The filing spouse must include the following information:

a statement which informs the court that at least one spouse meets the state’s residency requirements for divorce
a legal reason—or grounds—for the divorce, and
any other statutory information that your state requires.
Residency requirements vary depending on where you live. States usually require at least one spouse to live in the state anywhere from 3 months to 12 months, and in the county where the spouse files at least 10 days to 6 months before filing the petition. Divorcing spouses must meet the state’s residency requirement before the court can accept the case.

Grounds for divorce vary from state-to-state. However, all states offer divorcing couples the option to file a no-fault divorce. No-fault divorce is a streamlined process that allows spouses to file a divorce petition without listing a specific reason or placing blame on either spouse. If your spouse committed marital misconduct or caused the breakup, some states allow parties to claim “fault” for the divorce, like adultery or neglect. If you’re unsure whether you should file a no-fault or fault divorce, contact an experienced family law attorney in your state for guidance.

Step Two: Asking for Temporary Orders

Courts understand that the waiting period for divorce may not be possible for all couples. For example, if you are a stay-at-home parent that is raising your children and dependent on your spouse for financial support, waiting for 6-months for the judge to finalize your divorce probably seems impossible. When you file for divorce, the court allows you to ask the court for temporary court orders for child custody, child support, and spousal support.

If you request a temporary order, the court will hold a hearing and request information from each spouse before deciding how to rule on the application. The judge will usually grant the temporary order quickly, and it will remain valid until the court orders otherwise or until the judge finalizes the divorce.

Other temporary orders may include a request for status quo payments or temporary property restraining orders. Status quo orders typically require the breadwinner to continue paying marital debts throughout the divorce process. Temporary property restraining orders protect the marital estate from either spouse selling, giving away, or otherwise disposing of marital property during the divorce process. Restraining orders are usually mutual, meaning both spouses must follow it or risk being penalized by the court.

If you need a temporary order but didn’t file your request at the time you filed for divorce, you’ll need to apply for temporary orders as quickly as possible.

When you file for divorce, the court allows you to ask the court for temporary court orders for child custody, child support, and spousal support.

Step Three: Serve Your Spouse and Wait for a Response

Service: The filing spouse’s responsibility

After you file the petition for divorce and request for temporary orders, you need to provide a copy of the paperwork to your spouse and file proof of service with the court. Proof of service is a document that tells the court that you met the statutory requirements for giving a copy of the petition to your spouse. If you don’t properly serve your spouse, or if you neglect to file a proof of service with the court, the judge will be unable to proceed with your divorce case.

Service of process can be easy, especially if your spouse agrees with the divorce and is willing to sign an acknowledgment of service. However, some spouses, especially ones that want to stay married or make the process complicated, can be evasive or try anything to frustrate the process. The easiest way to ensure proper service is for the filing spouse to hire a professional who is licensed and experienced in delivering legal documents to difficult parties. The cost is usually minimal and can help prevent a delay in your case. If your spouse retained an attorney, you could arrange to have the paperwork delivered to the attorney’s office.

Response: The receiving spouse’s responsibility

The party who receives the paperwork (usually titled “defendant” or “respondent”) must file an answer or reply to the divorce petition within a prescribed amount of time. Failure to respond could result in a “default” judgment against the non-responding spouse, which can be complicated and expensive to reverse.

The responding party has the option to dispute the grounds for divorce (if a fault divorce), the allegations in the petition, or assert any disagreements as to property, support, custody, or any other divorce-related issues.

Step Four: Negotiate a Settlement

In cases where the parties have differing opinions on important topics, like child custody, support, or property division, both spouses will need to work together to reach an agreement. Sometimes the court will schedule a settlement conference, which is where the parties and their attorneys will meet to discuss the status of the case. The court may schedule mediation, which is where a neutral third-party will help facilitate discussion between the spouses in hopes to resolve lingering issues. Some states require participation in mediation, while others do not. However, mediation often saves significant time and money during the divorce process, so it's often a good route for many divorcing couples.

Step Five: Divorce Trial

Sometimes negotiations fail despite each spouse’s best efforts. If there are still issues that remain unresolved after mediation and other talks, the parties will need to ask the court for help, which means going to trial. A divorce trial is costly and time-consuming, plus it takes all the power away from the spouses and puts it in the hands of the judge. Negotiations and mediation sessions allow the couple to maintain control and have more predictable results than a divorce trial, so it’s best to avoid a trial if possible.

Step Six: Finalizing the Judgment

Whether you and your spouse negotiated throughout the divorce process, or a judge decided the significant issues for you, the final step of divorce comes when the judge signs the judgment of divorce. The judgment of divorce (or “order of dissolution”) ends the marriage and spells out the specifics about how the couple will allocate custodial responsibility and parenting time, child and spousal support, and how the couple will divide assets and debts. If the parties negotiated a settlement, the filing spouse’s attorney typically drafts the judgment. However, if the couple went through a divorce trial, the judge will issue the final order.

If you are going through a divorce, talk to Our Team at The Law Corner Today, We'd Love to Help. Call Us at (984) 205-3727

Signs Of Conflict

Wed, 10 Apr 2019 12:28:16 GMT

Allowing conflict to grow into loud, dangerous, or aggressive levels with words or behavior.

1. Withdrawal and Avoidance

Closing yourself off, shutting the door literally
Avoiding opportunities for closeness
Making excuses not to communicate

2. Escalation

Allowing conflict to grow into loud, dangerous, or aggressive levels with words or behavior

3. Negative Interpretations

Taking words and behaviors out of context
Finding the dark side of neutral statements

4. Invalidation

Finding ways to discount, ridicule, or deny the feelings or behaviors of the other
Sarcasm, involving 3rd parties(gossip), treating your partner like a bad child

Suggestions to Improve Dealing with Conflict:

Seek a member of your church or congregation to assist with your communication
Seek a professional either a Licensed Marital Counselor, or a Family Therapist
Choose a time to discuss the conflict together without distraction
Speak for yourself, do not mind read
Do not threaten or blame
Keep statements brief
Take turns talking, do not monopolize
Limit time spent dealing with conflict- more is not always better
Do not deal with conflict after consuming alcohol, or when you are sick or exhausted this paragraph.

Property Settlement Agreements

Mon, 08 Apr 2019 13:16:32 GMT

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Under North Carolina Law a Separation Agreement is defined as a contract in writing between husband and wife that is signed and notarized. It may resolve all issues relating to child custody, child support, division of property and debt, and alimony. In North Carolina, you must be living separate, and apart for one year in order to be granted a legal divorce. During that one year waiting period, you want to protect yourself from the actions and inaction of your estranged spouse. The best advice I can give you is to ignore everything you hear from your friends, neighbors, and co-workers and seek the advice of an attorney.

Meditation is often a great alternative to court when deciding these property settlements. In court, you lose control over the results, because the judge takes control. Meditation can be powerful for creating outcomes that are most favorable to both parties. Luckily, Brian Demidovich, a DRC Certified Mediator, is highly skilled in the art of mediation.

10 Things to Consider when Separating

Mon, 08 Apr 2019 13:14:59 GMT

10 Things that We want You to Know First when Considering Separation.

1. Get Some Counseling, Marriage or Otherwise

Counseling is always a good starting point to establish if you are certain that you want or need to separate. There are times when couples are unhappy together but don’t really want to take that final step and separate. You need to be sure that the relationship has suffered an irretrievable breakdown before you can begin to consider the emotional and financial changes, the change in living arrangements, property and what happens to any children under 18 years old.

Once the separation process begins it can be very hard to go back to a happy and stable relationship. Counseling can be helpful, even if attended on your own, to help you deal with the separation even after the decision has been made to separate.

2. Where are the Kids Going to Live?

When parents separate, the children’s best interests are paramount. The parents need to come up with a custody schedule that maintains a relationship with both parents. Often this is easier said than done while in the midst of separating. Parents should attempt to put their emotions relating to the separation aside for the benefit of the children. Try and involve someone you both trust to facilitate communication regarding the children.

3. Decide about Your Living Arrangements

Unless you are being abused, never leave the marital home without consulting an experienced family law attorney. When deciding who stays in the home and who goes, it is important to think about your long-term goals. If you want to continue living in the home so that there is less disruption for the children, but are concerned that you cannot pay the monthly expenses on your own, then you may be able to require your partner to contribute to your shortfall. If you decide to leave the home, then this may be fine too as the law will recognize your legal rights to the home and the household furnishings.

4. Furniture and Personal Effects

If you decide to leave the family home, it is advisable to take everything you need by way of furniture, appliances, clothes, jewelry etc. Generally, the Courts will consider all belongings to be jointly owned and therefore movable by either person. If you don’t take items with you that you really want, then you risk your partner taking them or refusing that you have them. Equally, if you’re the person who’s staying, you are allowed to change the locks after the spouse vacates and shows no intent to return, to prevent the departing spouse from gaining re-entry – even if the house is in joint names.

5. Get All Legal and Financial Documents Sorted

It is very important that you know where you stand in terms of the financial assets and liabilities of your relationship. You need to know what your partner’s financial position is as well as yours so that you can make informed decisions moving forward. Important legal and financial documents include your tax returns, bank statements, investment accounts, insurance documents, passport, driving license, , birth / marriage certificate etc.

6. Open Your Own Bank Account

Where there are joint bank accounts both you and your partner could remove all the funds or a portion of the funds from the account. If you have decided to leave the home, then you will need the money to assist you with moving. Equally if you are going to remain in the home then you will need the money to help with costs of running the home. Often times one half of the money or more is moved by one of the spouses before either meet with an attorney.

7. Check Your Life Insurance and Death Benefits

If you have nominated your partner as a beneficiary of any of these, you may want to change this immediately. Where possible we suggest that you take all necessary steps to ensure any such benefits pass to your estate or your children in the event of your death.

8. Update/Make a Will and Lasting Power of Attorney

It is important to understand that separation does not change gifts in a Will. So if your Will says “I appoint my partner as my executor and give all my estate to my partner” and you die, then your partner (or ex-partner) will have the ability to make decisions about your estate and receive everything.

9. Notify Benefits and Child Support Agency

If you are receiving any state Benefit payments, you need to notify any and government departments of your change in relationship status as you will obviously be dealt with differently as a single person. The same applies with the Child Support Agency, if you have children, as the Agency’s role is to collect payments from the non-residential partner to pay the residential partner on a means and needs basis.

10. Get Professional Legal Advice

Contact Us Today to take your first step in the right direction. Call (919) 424-8319 for your $99 ONE HOUR Consultation !

Your Future Matters.

Why be Represented by Raleigh Family Mediation?

Mon, 08 Apr 2019 13:14:59 GMT

Our number one priority is helping our clients understand the law, the different ways to reach a resolution, their options along the way, the risks, the rewards and the cost. We provide straight forward and honest advice. It's true, genuinely care about our clients. Being represented by a lawyer in negotiation or in a court of law may be in your best interest but you may also want to serious consider mediation (with or without attorneys) and collaboration as an effective alternative.

Brian has the legal knowledge and over 20 years of family law experience to get your life back on track whichever process you choose.

Our lawyers primarily focus in Family Law matters. We are willing to represent clients in Wake, Durham, Orange and Johnston Counties.